Hard to believe a whole year has passed. Last time I posted here it was October, 2008. Wow, so much has changed, yet so much has remained the same. Why, it hardly seems like anytime at all has passed, yet, like the 100 years long sleep that Sleeping Beauty fell into when the Sorceress enchanted her, I too feel like I have been asleep for a 100 years or more and have just been waiting for my Prince Charming to come awaken me from my enforced slumber.
I ended a long term relationship earlier this year. That has been difficult to extricate myself from...our lives had become so interwoven and entwined I no longer had my own identity and, to be honest I had become but a shell of myself, subsisting only enough to keep the wolves at bay. But, one day I woke up and realized I had been living a lie...my life wasn't even a Fairy Tale but a tale right out of the pages of the Brothers Grimm...I was a prisoner living with my jailer and had never attempted to go over the wall at midnight...now, I was ready to take the leap and go for it...what did I have to lose at that point? My life was already meaningless and redundant and I could no longer bear the thought of spending another second with this person I thought I loved let alone even breathe the same air as he...so I took a chance and told myself it couldn't be any worse than the life I was already living, and, so far, I have been right, in fact, it has been a LOT better...for one, I met someone new, someone who validates me and tells me I'm smart and pretty, someone who makes me feel like I'm worth something...but, I still have the tendrils of the old relationship lingering like a bad cold I can't shake...I am trying to once and for all rid myself of these last binding threads, but, it's not pretty or easy to do...
I will persevere...I will muster through this and slog my way through the darkened forest for I see the light ahead and the glow is beautiful and inviting...I want to be there right now...I know I can make it and I will for I am strong and I am determined to no longer accept that my life has to be a dead-end road because it's not and there is still much for me to see, do and enjoy...I'm not dead yet dammit!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Thursday, October 30, 2008
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
I LOVE this time of year...autumn; with it's brisk twinge of smoke in the air and changing palette of colors...it invokes for me the most wonderful time of the year. When ghosties and ghoulies and long legged-y beasties and things that go bump in the night are at their strongest. The veil between this world and the next is at it's most nebulous. Do the dead really walk this earth? Stuck in some broken record groove of their wasted lives? I really don't know, but when the weather turns gloomy and cool, you can almost smell the sepulcher ambiance of the grave wafting through the air.
I grew up in Detroit where "Devil's Night", the night before All Hallows Eve, or Hallow'een became a night not for foolish childrens' pranks of toliet papering your neighbors tree, or throwing eggs at the corner store plate glass windows, but a night of abject terror. Each year, as the day grew closer, your parents wondered if this was the year the garage would be torched, or, whether the abandoned house next door would be fire-bombed by the nascent ne'er-do-wells who lurked, much like those zombies in "Night of the Living Dead" waiting to feast on what little remains of the city were still available for their ghoulish delights...awww...October in Detroit, it still brings a chill to my spine, but, thankfully things have changed...besides, there are no more homes left to burn and what does remain is like the dregs of a bitter witches brew; nothing of substance and only a memory of what was.
I still love this time of year though...none of the rampant, greedy, soul-sucking consumerism of that "other" holiday have appeared yet (although, each year it seems to come sooner and sooner, til, much like Frankenmuth, MI. we will be living christmas day 24-7, 364 days of the year and be encouraged to SPEND, BUY and GIVE...I really despise christmas, but, that is for another blog). Autumn brings out the child-like wonder and innocence in all of us; we really seem to be able to look at the world in that diffused autumnal light and get a true sense of our worth as human-beings. We all need to step back and take a deep breath and realize that our time here is but a brief moment in time so we really need to do what is right; treat others with respect, be nice and just be honest and truthful, you know, all that basic shit you learned in kindergarden, it's not so difficult, really...Anyway, have another peanut butter cup, it will make you feel better. Happy Hallow'een!
I grew up in Detroit where "Devil's Night", the night before All Hallows Eve, or Hallow'een became a night not for foolish childrens' pranks of toliet papering your neighbors tree, or throwing eggs at the corner store plate glass windows, but a night of abject terror. Each year, as the day grew closer, your parents wondered if this was the year the garage would be torched, or, whether the abandoned house next door would be fire-bombed by the nascent ne'er-do-wells who lurked, much like those zombies in "Night of the Living Dead" waiting to feast on what little remains of the city were still available for their ghoulish delights...awww...October in Detroit, it still brings a chill to my spine, but, thankfully things have changed...besides, there are no more homes left to burn and what does remain is like the dregs of a bitter witches brew; nothing of substance and only a memory of what was.
I still love this time of year though...none of the rampant, greedy, soul-sucking consumerism of that "other" holiday have appeared yet (although, each year it seems to come sooner and sooner, til, much like Frankenmuth, MI. we will be living christmas day 24-7, 364 days of the year and be encouraged to SPEND, BUY and GIVE...I really despise christmas, but, that is for another blog). Autumn brings out the child-like wonder and innocence in all of us; we really seem to be able to look at the world in that diffused autumnal light and get a true sense of our worth as human-beings. We all need to step back and take a deep breath and realize that our time here is but a brief moment in time so we really need to do what is right; treat others with respect, be nice and just be honest and truthful, you know, all that basic shit you learned in kindergarden, it's not so difficult, really...Anyway, have another peanut butter cup, it will make you feel better. Happy Hallow'een!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Why the title?
Well, because, in a nutshell, it's my first attempt at being a blogger, and, in all honesty, I have my reservations about "blogging". I mean, come on, baring my soul to all you nameless, faceless entities that haunt the internet like a wraith..it's a scary thought...so, instead I will try to offer MY take on all the important things, or, the not so important things, or just things, in general, whatever takes my fancy. I might offer valuable insight, or, I may hurl rabid invectives, but I'll ALWAYS offer comfort, kind of like instant mashed potatoes...got it now?
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