I'm only mostly dead

Hard to believe a whole year has passed. Last time I posted here it was October, 2008. Wow, so much has changed, yet so much has remained the same. Why, it hardly seems like anytime at all has passed, yet, like the 100 years long sleep that Sleeping Beauty fell into when the Sorceress enchanted her, I too feel like I have been asleep for a 100 years or more and have just been waiting for my Prince Charming to come awaken me from my enforced slumber.

I ended a long term relationship earlier this year. That has been difficult to extricate myself from...our lives had become so interwoven and entwined I no longer had my own identity and, to be honest I had become but a shell of myself, subsisting only enough to keep the wolves at bay. But, one day I woke up and realized I had been living a lie...my life wasn't even a Fairy Tale but a tale right out of the pages of the Brothers Grimm...I was a prisoner living with my jailer and had never attempted to go over the wall at midnight...now, I was ready to take the leap and go for it...what did I have to lose at that point? My life was already meaningless and redundant and I could no longer bear the thought of spending another second with this person I thought I loved let alone even breathe the same air as he...so I took a chance and told myself it couldn't be any worse than the life I was already living, and, so far, I have been right, in fact, it has been a LOT better...for one, I met someone new, someone who validates me and tells me I'm smart and pretty, someone who makes me feel like I'm worth something...but, I still have the tendrils of the old relationship lingering like a bad cold I can't shake...I am trying to once and for all rid myself of these last binding threads, but, it's not pretty or easy to do...

I will persevere...I will muster through this and slog my way through the darkened forest for I see the light ahead and the glow is beautiful and inviting...I want to be there right now...I know I can make it and I will for I am strong and I am determined to no longer accept that my life has to be a dead-end road because it's not and there is still much for me to see, do and enjoy...I'm not dead yet dammit!